Chapter 11: MY REAL FATHER

When God was through with me the interview was over as suddenly as one would turn off a faucet. I was not allowed to linger or even reflect on what God said. The angels immediately carried me away as if I were as wet rag having no strength in myself. Totally annihilated, I could not even gather my thoughts.

The angels carried me back through the Second Heaven, through the dimension wall, and into the hospital room where my body was lying. It was not until I reached the bed upon which my body lay did I regain my composure. As I regained my composure, I vehemently protested, "No! No!" I told the angels, "God did not answer me! He did not say yes or no to my request! Please, oh please, take me back!" I pleaded with the angels.

God is a God of order and He never does anything haphazardly. Since all of this entire experience had been planned by God, the angels complied with my request to take me back. God was dealing with me gently and tenderly through His great Love knowing what was necessary for me to experience in order for me to have the scales fall off my eyes.

During the time God was displaying His wrath toward me, I thought this wrath was terrible and painful. I found out later that it was nothing compared to the pain the lost will experience when they receive His everlasting wrath.

While en route back to the Third Heaven, I was beside myself trying to come up with a logical reason or legitimate basis on which to plead my case. God had already told me that my life had been a failure. Therefore, I could not offer my past life as evidence of my intentions to serve Him. Somehow or another, the thought of Hezekiah came to my mind. When God sent word for him to put his house in order, he cried and prayed and God heard him. God extended his life for fifteen years. I remembered from my studies about him that Hezekiah was the "good–old– boy" type, similar to me. I remembered how he had good intentions in his heart but how he had trouble translating out those intentions into everyday living. Since this seemed to be the same kind of trouble I had in my life, I concluded that God dealt with Hezekiah based on the intentions of his heart. Because of this assumption, I concluded this reasoning would be the basis of my plea.

Upon my arrival back before the Gates of the Third Heaven, I was brought to the same place from which I had previously pleaded my case. Not nearly so bold this time, I remembered how God's wrath had floored me beforehand. Nevertheless, I had asked God for a favor and God had not answered. Wanting his answer no matter what it was, I timidly started pleading my case again.

This time God did not knock me down but let me talk. God did not talk to me in anger but started out answering me in a tone of pity. Before it was all over, God was speaking in sorrow.

Opening my plea by quoting scriptures to God, I began by telling him all about Hezekiah. I told God that I figured out that Hezekiah was the "good-old-boy" type, that the intentions of his heart were pure, but he seemed to be unable to translate out those intentions into everyday living. Here I was, an insignificant nothing and the smallest creature in all His universe, bartering words with this great and awesome God who had created it all. The wonder of it all! He left it all for a moment, just to deal with me. He could have snuffed me out in the blink of an eye or he could have left me to be dealt with by an underling. There was an unnumbered host of things He could have done whereby He would not have had to deal with me Himself. He did not choose to do any of these things. Instead, He chose to deal with me Himself. Can you imagine it? The wonder of it all! He patiently dealt with me through His tender love and concern and patiently heard every proposal I made. While displaying His concern, he showed me how this same thing had been tried before and had failed.

In patient, loving care, He listened while I would make another proposal. It was like a longsuffering, loving parent dealing with a wide-eyed, anxious child, similar to a child asking to play in the street while an enduring, loving parent tries to explain why that would not be possible. It was as if His only concern was my problem and helping me. I was now desperately searching for some word that would justify His giving me another chance, but my life had failed. No works had preceded me into Heaven and I had nothing on which to stand, no basis from which to plead. It did not take Him long to point out that intentions, no matter how good, do not count. It has rightly been said, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." satan often uses our intentions to justify our actions to ourselves.

Surely somewhere in all my vocabulary there must be some word or at least one word that I could offer as justification for Him to extend my life. After all the words had been said and having come down to the very end, there was only one thing left. Reaching the bottom of the bag, all that I had left was the one thing that had worked for me many times before, my promises. I said, "Father, if You will grant this request, I promise you I will do better the next time."

The Lord answered me thus: "Howard Pittman, you have promised before." God did not have to say another word. There they were, all the promises I had made to a holy God in my past entire life. Not one of them remained whole. Somehow, someway, I had managed to break them all. With nothing left to say, no words in all my vocabulary, nowhere to go, I fell on my knees before him. All I could say was "Amen" to my own condemnation. I knew that if at that moment God would banish me into the pits of hell, it would be just to say "amen" to my own condemnation.

Oh praise His Holy Name! I shall never cease to thank Him! At that moment God did not demand justice but showed me mercy. The scales fell from my eyes and my soul was suddenly filled with light. That powerful, awesome, all-consuming God was now not evident. There on that throne dealing with me was my REAL Father. He was no longer a distant God, but a real, genuine Father. The realization of his being my true Father and my best friend came to me for the first time in my life. The wonderful relationship I had enjoyed with my physical father and the wonderful love we shared for each other was suddenly brought to mind yet magnified a thousand fold. For now I was with my real Father, the one who loved me so much that God left all of his creation to deal with me, the prodigal son.

For the first time in my life, I saw in my mind's eye who God really is. For the first time I met Him as He truly is, my real Father, my very best friend. As the realization of who God is flooded my soul, great and painful sorrow also came.

Sorrow came when I realized that through disobedience I had hurt My Father. This realization and sorrow produced actual pain which was not just a guilt feeling but actual pain similar to what one would experience in the flesh when one sustains a physical injury. At this point in time, God started dealing with me in sorrow and no longer did the tone of his voice express pity. Instead, the sound was of genuine sorrow. I suddenly realized that He was hurting too. God was hurting because I was hurting. Being a true and just God as He is, He had to allow me to suffer the pain and He could not lift it from me. Although He had to allow me to suffer the pain, He would not allow me to suffer it alone. God the most High, the most Supreme, the Creator of all, the Father of all would not let me suffer alone.

Can you imagine what was happening? The Alpha and Omega, the Cause of all the universe's existence was hurting because a mere Earth child was hurting. Oh, what Love! What Understanding! It was so far beyond anything a mere Earthling can understand. Oh how precious just one, little, insignificant Earth child is to that Great God.

By this time I suddenly realized that my physical life was not so important after all. What I was really concerned about now was what My Father wanted. His will had suddenly become the first thing of my life and my physical life was no longer important. This is when He gave me back my physical life. Only when I reached a place that my life did not mean anything to me, did He give it back to me. Now that the prodigal son had returned, the Father could talk at last. He could tell me what my trip to heaven was all about and that He had a message He wanted me to tell people on Earth.

"Oh Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound that Saved a Wretch Like Me. I Once Was Lost But Now Am Found. Was Blind But Now I See." When the scales had fallen from my eyes and I saw My Father for what He really is, He hurt because I hurt. What great Love I experienced that day! There is no way that I can convey to you how precious you really are to Him; how much He loves every single, solitary individual on this planet Earth; and how very precious you are to our Lord.

If the world could only know of the worth of the individual. My discovery that day was that if YOU had been the only one, Jesus would have died for you. You have heard it said that Jesus died to save the world, and He certainly did. However, beyond that unimaginable sacrifice, of which we are absolutely unworthy, Jesus died to save YOU!! Salvation is a personal relationship with Jesus, and YOU, the individual, are the most precious thing on this Earth to Him.

If you don't know Him as your real Father, your very best Friend, the turn to Him now by praying the simple but earnest prayer for the Lord to take over your life in every way and to forgive you for all your sins. If you seek Jesus sincerely, you WILL find the True source of all happiness and peace.