Chapter 16: The Sin

Then I was standing beside Wisdom again. He did not speak for a long time, but I did not need words. I needed to let what I had just seen saturate my soul. I strove to fathom the great business that we had been given just to be the Father’s worshipers. To Him, the sun was like an atom and the galaxies like grains of sand. Yet He listened to our prayers, enjoying us continually as He beheld us, and, I was sure, often grieving for us. He was much bigger than a human mind could ever conceive, but I knew that He was also the most emotional Being in the universe. We could touch God! Every human being had the power to cause Him joy or pain. I had known this theologically, but now I knew it in a way that shattered the seeming importance of everything else.

There was no way I would ever have words to convey this, but I knew that I had to spend what time I was given on earth worshiping Him. It was like a new revelation: I could actually bring God joy! I could bring Jesus joy! I understood what the Lord had meant when He said that this was why He went to the cross. Any sacrifice would be worth it to just touch His heart for the briefest of seconds. I did not want to waste another moment when I knew that it could be spent worshiping Him. It was also obvious that the greater the trials or darkness from which the worship came, the more it touched Him. It made me want to receive trials so that I could worship Him through them.

At the same time, I felt like Job when he said that although he previously had only known Him by the hearing of the ears, when he saw Him, he repented in dust and ashes. I was like Philip who had been with Jesus for so long and did not know that he was seeing the Father through Him. How astonishing our dullness must be to the angels! Then Wisdom spoke again.

“Remember the potential for even the least of My little ones to touch the heart of the Father. That alone makes their value greater than any price. I would have gone to the cross again for a single one of these. I also feel your pain. I know your trials because we share them. I feel the pain and the joy of every soul. That is why I still intercede continually for all of you. There will be a time when all tears are wiped away from every eye. There will be a time when only joy is known again. Until then, pain can be used. Do not waste your trials. Your greatest worship and the greatest expression of your faith that pleases Us will come in the midst of your trials. “You must see Me in your own heart, and you must see Me in others. You must see Me in the great and in the small. Just as I appeared differently in each of these who now stand before you, I will come to you in different people. I will come to you in different circumstances. Your highest purpose is to recognize Me, to hear My voice, and to follow Me.”

As I turned to look at Wisdom, He was not there. I looked all around. I could feel Him everywhere, but could not see Him. I then looked back at the witnesses who stood before me. He was there. I could not see Him, but in a more profound way than I had known before, He was in each of them. As the Reformer began to speak, it was his own voice, but I could hear the voice of Wisdom in him just as when He spoke to me directly.

“He has always been in us. He is in you. He is in those to whom you must return. From time to time, He will appear to you again, but you must know that when you do not see Him as He appears, you can better recognize Him where He dwells—in His people. He is Wisdom. He knows how, when, and through whom to speak to you. The ones through whom He speaks to you are a part of the message. Remember what He said when He wept over Jerusalem ‘From now on you shall not see Me until you say, “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.” You will not see Him unless you can see Him in those whom He sends to you.”

“It is easy for me to see and hear Him in you,” I replied, “but it is not nearly so easy with those on the earth who have not yet been glorified.”

Conquered By Him

“The greatest calling of all is to be fully conquered by Him,” a man whom I did not recognize offered, stepping toward the front. “I should know,” he added, and then he told me his name. I was shocked that this man would be found in the company of the saints. He had been a great conqueror, but I had always believed that he had done more damage to the name of Christ than possibly anyone else.

“I, too, found the grace of the cross before the end of my time,” he said. “You are not just going back to conquer for Him, but to be conquered by Him. If you will devote yourself to surrendering to Him, He will use you to conquer in His name. True conquest is to capture the hearts of men with the truth that sets them free. Those who follow Him more closely will be used to conquer the most and will be the greatest of kings. On the earth, these will seldom realize that they have conquered anything. They will not see what they have really accomplished until they get here. Those who lay up great treasures on earth—even treasures that may be considered spiritual—will have little here.”

“On earth you cannot measure eternal treasures,” Paul said. “When I died, it looked like everything for which I had given my life to building on earth had already perished. The churches I had given my life to raising up were falling into apostasy, and even some of my closest friends were turning against me. During my last days, I felt that I had been a failure.”

“Yes, but even I count Paul as a spiritual father,” the great conqueror continued, “as do most of us who are here. Most who will come through the great battle of the end will be victorious because he was faithful to stand for truth. You will not measure true spiritual fruit rightly while you are on the earth. You can only measure your true success by how much more clearly you are able to behold the Lord, by how much better you know His voice, and by how much more you love the brethren.”

Then Paul spoke again.

“For months before my execution, I did feel like a failure. However, on the day of my execution I was reminded of Stephen who I had watched die at my own feet years before. The memory of the light that was on his face that day had carried me through many trials. I always felt that he had somehow died for me so that I could see the true light. I knew that if I died like Stephen, then even if everything else I had done had been futile, it would insure that my life would not have been in vain. I was so thankful that I really was dying for the sake of the gospel, even if it did not look then like my ministry had accomplished very much.

“As the revelation of this came upon me, so did the grace, and my last day on earth was the most wonderful of all. I then realized that as I had lived and sincerely tried to die daily to my own desires in order to serve the gospel, every time I denied myself, there were eternal seeds planted even though I could not yet see them in the temporary realm. Being here, I can now see that this is certainly true. You must not try to judge by the fruit you see on earth, but do what you must do because it is right.

“Even so, more than bearing fruit, your call must be to know the Lord. If you seek Him, you will always find Him. He is always near to those who draw near. Many want His presence, but they do not draw near. You must do more than want Him: You must seek Him. This is part of your call. There is no higher purpose. Your victory will be measured by your seeking. You will always be as close to Him as you want to be. Your victory in life will be according to your desire for Him.”

Then Paul lifted his hand and pointed to me. “You have been given much, and much will be required of you. Even if you bury many of the talents entrusted to you, you can accomplish far more than others, but you will have failed in your commission. You must never measure yourself by others, but keep pressing forward, seeking more of Him. And yet, with all of the glory that will be revealed to you, never take off that cloak!”

Sowing And Reaping

I looked down at the cloak of humility to which he was pointing. In all of the glory that I was now seeing, its drabness seemed multiplied. I was appalled that I looked so bad standing in their presence. I drew it back to see the armor under it, which was now more brilliant than I had seen it before. It was so brilliant that the more I uncovered it, the more the group in front of me faded because of its brightness. However, I was feeling far less embarrassed with the brightness of my armor shining out. I then decided to take the cloak all of the way off while I was there so that I would at least not feel as repulsive in the presence of so much glory.

There was silence, and I stood quietly for a few moments. I was unable to see anything because of the brightness of my own armor. I did not understand why I could not hear anything either. I then called out for Wisdom.

“Put your cloak back on,” I heard Him reply. I did as He said and began to dimly see the outline of the Great Hall again. “Lord, what happened to everyone? Why is everything so dim again?”

“You can see nothing here without wearing that cloak.”

“But I have it on now, and I still cannot see very well,” I protested, feeling a terrible desperation.

“Every time you take off humility you will be blinded to the true light, and it will take time for you to be able to see it again.”

Even though I was beginning to see the glory again, it was nothing like before. My vision was coming back, but very, very slowly. I was grieved beyond words.

“Where is Paul?” I asked. “I know that he was about to tell me something very important.”

“When you took off your cloak, all of those who were here departed.”

“Why? Why would they depart just because I took off the cloak? I was just embarrassed by my appearance. Did that offend them?”

“No, they were not offended. They knew that you could not see or hear Me through them without the cloak, so they returned to their places.”

I was more grieved than ever at this statement. “Lord, I know that what they were about to say to me was very important. Will they return?”

“It is true that you missed an important revelation by taking off your cloak. It would have helped you, but if you learn the lesson not to ever take off the cloak again, especially for the reason that you just did, you will have learned another important lesson.”

“Lord, I think that I have learned that lesson. I do not remember ever feeling this bad. Can they not come back now and share what they had for me?” I begged.

“All Truth and all Wisdom comes from Me. I speak through people because the people I speak through are a part of the message. While you remained humble enough to keep your cloak on, I could speak to you in glory. Whenever you take off that cloak, you become spiritually blind and deaf. I will always speak to you if you call on Me, but I must change the way that I speak to you.

“I do not do this to punish you, but to help you receive your vision back more quickly. I will give you the message that I was going to give you through these witnesses, but it must now be given through your enemies. It will come with trials, and you will have to bow very low to receive it. This is the only way that you will get your vision back as quickly as you will need it. For what is coming, you must be able to see.”

Brokenness

The grief I felt was almost unbearable. I knew that what I could have received in such a glorious way was now going to come through great trials, but even worse than that was the fact that the great glory which I had beheld just a few minutes before was now so dim.

“Lord, I am sorry for what I did. I now know how wrong it was. The pain of this mistake is almost too much to bear. Is there no way that I can just be forgiven and receive my vision back? It does not seem right that one brief moment of pride should be this devastating,” I pleaded.

“You are forgiven. Nothing is being done to you for punishment. I paid the price for this sin and all others. You live by My grace. This is not because of the Law of righteousness. It is because of My grace that there are consequences for sin. You must reap what you sow or I could not trust you with My authority. When Satan took his first step into self-seeking and pride, multitudes of My angels who I had entrusted to his authority followed him. When Adam fell, multitudes would suffer. For those to whom I give such authority, there is a corresponding responsibility. There can be no true authority without responsibility. Responsibility does mean that others will suffer if you go astray. Mistakes have consequences.

“The more authority you are given, the more that you can either help or hurt others by your actions. To remove the consequences of your actions would be to remove true authority. You are a part of the new creation that is much higher than the first creation. Those who are called to rule with Me are given the greatest responsibility of all. They are called to a position higher than Satan held. He was a great angel, but he was not a son. You are called to be a joint heir with Me. Your whole life, both the trials and the revelations, are all for the purpose of teaching you the responsibility of authority.

“For every lesson that you must learn, there is an easy way or a more difficult way. You can humble yourself fall on the rock and be broken, or the rock will fall on you and crush you into powder. Either way, the final result will be brokenness, which is humility. Pride caused the first fall from grace, and it has caused most of the falls since. Pride always results in tragedy, darkness and suffering. It is for your sake and for those whom you are called to serve by having authority over that I will not compromise the discipline you must learn by reaping what you sow.

“Adonijah boasted that his father, King David, did not discipline him. Solomon complained that he could not get away with anything without his father’s discipline. Although Solomon thought that he was not being treated fairly, David was not being unfair. He knew that Solomon was called to be a king. Those who receive the most discipline are those who are called to walk in greater authority.

“You were blinded because you stepped out of humility and began to move in pride. The humble cannot be embarrassed. When you start to feel embarrassed, it is because you are beginning to move in pride. Let the embarrassment be a warning that you have departed from wisdom. Never let embarrassment control your actions. If it does, you will fall even further. Learn to embrace every opportunity to be humbled, knowing that I will then be able to trust you with more authority.

“Do not boast in your strengths, but in your weaknesses. If you will openly talk more about your failures in order to help others, I will be able to more openly display your victories, ‘For everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, and he who humbles himself shall be exalted.’”

I knew that everything He said was true. I had preached the same message many times. I thought of how Paul had warned Timothy to pay attention to his own teaching and realized that I felt that I needed my messages more than those to whom I preached. Now I was more ashamed by the shining armor I wore than of the humble cloak. I pulled the cloak even tighter. When I did this, my eyes brightened and my vision grew strikingly better, even though it was still far from what it had been.

I turned to see the door. I was afraid to go back through it, at least until I had received more of my vision back.

“You must go now,” Wisdom said. “What is on the other side?” I asked.

“Your destiny,” He replied.

I knew that I must go. I was still very sorry that I could not enter the door again with the vision that I had previously because I already knew how dark it was on the other side. I will be even more dependent on others for a time, I thought and committed myself to trusting the Lord and not my own vision. Immediately my eyes grew brighter again. I started to look once more back at the Great Hall to see if they were as bright as they had been, but decided not to. I just determined that it was better now not to look back. Then Wisdom appeared beside me, almost as brilliant as before. My eyes had adjusted to the light so quickly that I could now look at Him. He said nothing, but just looking at Him gave me great courage. Even so, I still felt remorse that I had not heard all of the message I had been about to receive from the cloud of witnesses.

“If remorse is turned into resolve, the trial will be much easier. Then when your enemies appear to exalt themselves over you, you will grow even more in the authority to prevail over My enemies.”

When I looked back at the door, I was amazed. I saw so much more on it now than I had seen before that for a moment I thought that I was at a different door. It seemed to have grown still more beautiful and was unlike any door I had ever seen, even in this realm. There were exalted titles written in a most beautiful script, all in gold and silver. There were beautiful jewels I did not recognize, but that were so compelling it was difficult to turn my gaze from them. They were all alive. I then realized that the entire door was alive.

As I gazed at the door, Wisdom laid His hand on my shoulder. “This is the door to My house.” When He said this, I immediately understood that the attraction I now felt for this door was the same that I felt when I looked at Him. It was Him somehow. How could anything this beautiful have looked so plain and uninviting before, I pondered. The Lord answered my unspoken question.

“You cannot see My house as it is until you see Me in My people. As you began to really hear Me through My people just before you took off your cloak, your eyes were opened to begin seeing My house as it is. There is much more glory to be seen in it than you can now behold. This is the door, but there is much more. When you return to the realm of your own time, this is what you must seek. This is what you must lead My people to. This is what you must fight for, and this is what you must help to build—My house.”

With Wisdom’s hand upon me, I walked toward the door. It did not open, but I passed right through the midst of it. I do not believe that there is a human language that could describe what I felt as I passed through. I saw the glory of all ages in a single moment. I saw the earth and the heavens as one. I saw myriads of angels, and I saw myriads of people who were more glorious than any angel I had yet seen. These were all serving in His house.

The End.