Chapter 19: Growing Confidence

"But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
(JAMES 1:4)

On May 7, 1998, the Lord came to me wearing a gold robe and a gold crown. He stood in front of me, and my body had such a strong anointing imposed upon it that at first I grew frightened. I saw the Lord's right hand raised up, and both my hands stretched out toward Him. He said, 'I am blessing you for all the work I have prepared for you to do.'

From July 11, 1996, until the present the Lord has done much work in my life. I've tried to detail all of this in the book by writing down each step. The Lord told me to record His work and His words under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. At first, it all seemed too hard to believe'the special gifts, the wonderful visitations, the prophetic visions, the trips to heaven and the supernatural events. It all seemed too good to be true.

Looking back over all that I have experienced, I realize that the Lord was taking me through a special growth and grooming process of preparation for ministry. As a result, my faith has soared and my hope has exploded within me. Now I believe everything He tells me and shows to me. He has kept every promise, including all the promises about the book. He gave me the title for the book, and He led me to a Spirit-filled writer who has helped me polish some of my words and phrases. Knowing that everything He has said is true makes waiting all the more difficult.

After the vision of heaven, the Lord fulfilled all the things that needed to be done until now. His presence would always appear after each and every one of my prayer times. That was His promise, and He was completely trustworthy. About two years ago, when I was experiencing some unhappiness about matters at my church, I prayed earnestly to the Lord. I needed His wisdom and His guidance.

I knew that the Bible's promise was true: 'If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed' (James 1:5-6, kjv).

In spite of my belief in that promise, it seemed as if the heavens were becoming as brass when I prayed. I could not see the Lord or hear His voice, and I wondered if I would ever be able to see Him again. I began to weep. After sobbing and screaming in a loud voice that called out to Jesus over and over again for a period of fifteen minutes or more, the Lord reappeared to me.

That day, I learned something vitally important. He showed me that my heart must be cheerful and clean in order to experience His presence and to hear His voice. I believe that is why the Lord removed from my life contact with all the people I knew since He started taking me to heaven until the present. He doesn't want anything to interrupt my mind while He is training me for the work He has for me.

PRAYER, AND THE LORD'S PRESENCE

I love the Lord, and I know He loves me. I pray many times each day at nearly the same time every day. Each time I do, the Lord's presence comes to me. Then we talk together. This happens every day, and sometimes our conversations go on for very long periods. The Lord reminds me of all the important things He has shown me and shared with me.

Each time I pray, at the end of my prayer time my stomach tightens, my body shakes, my spirit groans and then the Lord appears. When He departs, my body goes through the same manifestations it experiences before He appears to me.

After all the body-work was completed, the Lord would visit me every day at dinner time. My husband, Roger, always prays at dinnertime, and I agree with him in prayer by praying in tongues. As we do this, the Lord's presence appears right on time, then He departs at the end of prayer. He always comments about the food, and even jokes with me sometimes. I usually laugh at His wonderful humor.

The Lord usually tells me to eat anything I want, and He explains that in heaven I will not be able to eat many of things I enjoy here. Roger knows what I experience at these times because he sees my body shaking. Each time the anointing is so strong that my body feels like it is on fire. When dinner consists of seafood and vegetables, the Lord always tells me that they are good, nutritious foods.

WHO THE LORD IS TO ME

Many people believe the Lord is a very strict individual. To me, He is a kind, fun-loving, understanding, patient, loving, compassionate person. He always speaks to me gently, except when I question something He commands me to do. Then He becomes angry with me. I have learned that the Lord doesn't like questioning or complaining.

He is such a patient listener, no matter how long I talk. He never interrupts me. I soon discovered that He knows everything there is to know about me. He often reminds me of my plans for a given day.

It has now been almost two and one half years that I have been living under the Lord's control. I always endeavor to obey His ways instead of my own, and I find that I am very pleased with everything, but I still struggle at times with impatience.

Jesus is my best friend, and I find Him to be very human. I can talk to Him anytime or anywhere. He even told me that I can ask Him any kind of question, but I must not question Him when He asks me to do something.

Even though He is my best friend, I am very humbled in His presence. I reverentially fear and respect Him very much, because I know He is God. At the beginning, I asked to see His presence more clearly and to hear His voice more distinctly. He responded, 'My daughter, you see My spirit.'

Because He is a Spirit, I am not able to see Him clearly at all times. Whenever His presence becomes vivid to me, I am almost overwhelmed by the strong power of His anointing upon my life.

During some of the body-work sessions, I am able to make out the Lord's presence more clearly than usual. When this happens, the accompanying anointing is tremendously powerful. Since the Lord showed me heaven and the pit of hell, I have not been the same. Now, whenever I see the unsaved or I am aware of lukewarmness in a Christian's life, my heart begins to ache for them because I know what it takes to get into God's kingdom.

The urgency I feel for souls keeps me motivated at all times. Now I even want to help my enemies whenever I can. The Lord has repeated to me several times what is going to happen to people after the judgment.

He explained that only about twenty percent of Christians are actually pleasing Him. He has assured me, however, that He will give His people a final chance to purify themselves before He comes for us, and He explained that this is why He chose me to write this book.

He wants me to serve as living proof of the Bible and His prophecies, because many people do not believe what they read in the Bible, nor do they believe He is coming soon for His people. He also said that this book would be a tool for the salvation of millions of souls.

NO FEAR!

Because of all that I've experienced, I no longer feel afraid. A new boldness has come to me'a holy boldness in the Lord. I now feel that I could stand before millions and testify to the world all that I have seen and heard.

My body and my mouth were sealed while the Lord was doing the necessary body-work and preparatory teaching in my life. The Lord told me that He wanted me to keep all this to myself until a later time that He would reveal. The timing has to be just right because I'm sure there are many people who would not believe me if I were to tell them what has happened.

After I experienced the visions and other supernatural phenomena, my writer pointed out some Scriptures that help to verify the experiences God gave to me. At the time, I did not know the Scriptures well enough to know where such information could be found.

In fact, I used to complain to the Lord that I did not know enough to be used by Him. Frequently I would ask Him, 'Why did You choose me, Lord?'

He answered very clearly: 'It is because you are so teachable that I have chosen you.'

He explained that I would not do anything on my own because I understood that I needed Him in everything. That, of course, is the key to progress in the spiritual life. It is also the key to being used by the Lord'to remain open to Him and all He has in store for us.

Now, when I read the Bible, I can understand some things very clearly, whereas before I felt almost blinded to the truth. I have found that I can memorize Bible verses with great ease, and I have memorized close to 300 of my favorite Scriptures. The Lord helped because I have so much desire for His Word. This was also needed for witnessing and meditating. I realize that without knowing God's Word, it is hard to witness.

Throughout the many years of training, the Lord has disciplined me, tested me and even disappointed me to determine just how strong my faith actually is.

He removed all ungodly influences (including people) from my life. Sometimes He even permitted sickness to come back to ones He had previously healed so He could see how strong my faith in Him and my love for Him actually are. At times, He even permitted me to grow disappointed so He could see how impatient and angry I would become; but even in such circumstances I have never loved Him or trusted Him less, no matter how disappointed I became.

I cried in His presence countless times, asking Him why He was making me wait so long for the fulfillment of His promises. There were a few times when I thought He was going to fulfill His promise in a given week, only to discover that I had to go through the same training processes I had already gone through. It caused me so much disappointment that I actually wanted to die.

Sometimes I feel so run down that I want to give up everything the Lord promised. At times I have felt that I heard a wrong voice. Several times I asked Him if I was hearing other voices or my own voice. His voice would reflect disappointment, as He would remind me that I was hearing everything from my Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

When He said these words, instantaneous joy would come so quickly that I would forget all of my discouragement. If it weren't for His talking with me, I don't think I would have endured.

During His training, I cried numerous times. When He was finished, however, He said: 'Choo Nam, you have passed your test by scoring more than 100 percent.' His words of praise and affirmation thrilled my soul. It was a three-year course for ministry, and I can honestly say I never disobeyed the Lord once. He knew I was always available for Him to do His work.

No matter how difficult the work became, nor how disappointed I was, I always knew deep and abiding joy and peace. After my visits to the heavenly kingdom, I feel as if I now live in the kingdom of God. All I think about is what I can do to please the Lord, and I will do whatever it takes. Things of this earth mean nothing to me now.

Often, I've asked the Lord to take me home permanently, but He has refused by saying that there is much work for me to do. Since January 1996, my daily life has been lived entirely for God. He is first, last and everything in between. He is my all. I normally pray four or five hours a day, but during the times of body-work, I spent between seven and nine hours a day with the Lord, and sometimes even more.

MY LOVING HUSBAND

How thankful I am for the faithful love and patient understanding of my husband, Roger. I prayed for Him to come to know the Lord, and He did so a year and a half after I did. I have never pushed Roger with regard to spiritual things, but he is always there for me'a constant companion and support. I asked the Lord to help us have the same mind in serving Him, and He gave me a completely new man. The first year of his walk with God, Roger read the Bible six times.

Without His agreement, our marriage could never have survived. Roger is a true help to me in every respect, and he is a great support in my ministry.

Roger and I know that without God we are helpless. With Him, however, we both know that we can accomplish all things. There is nothing that is impossible with our perfect God. He knows everything there is to know about us. He even knows what we have need of before we express those needs to Him. Jesus said, 'Your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him' (Matt. 6:8, kjv).

We have chosen to put God first in our lives. Jesus said, 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you' (Matt. 6:33, kjv). This wonderful promise has proved itself true in our lives over and over again.

I must admit that sometimes it's not easy to live a fully spiritual life, always putting God first; but I've learned that I cannot do anything without the Lord's permission. He always tells me to stay focused on Him and the work He is preparing me for. He warns me not to put anything or anyone in front of those goals.

It's been difficult, but I've learned that keeping my mind stayed on Him is the source of perfect peace, as the prophet Isaiah pointed out. If anything is bothering me, I'm not able to focus on Him, and I lose my peace. I know this is not God's will for me, because Jesus said: 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid' (John 14:27, kjv).

The Lord is always a present help in our lives, even when we can't see or hear Him. 'Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever' (Heb. 13:8). He is living in us, and that is how He knows everything about us. I have learned that when we pray to Him or worship Him, He wants us to focus only on Him.